So I met these two ducks...
They kind-of adopted me. You see, I live on a golf course, and, recently, this duck couple has been coming over in the morning. At first, they'd just kinda quack by, nod, and keep going.
Then, one morning, not diggin my English muffin, I tore and tossed it out to my new duck friends, who were all over the crumbs like duck on muffin (whatever the hell THAT means).
So then, the next morning, I'm working out and they pass by the sliding glass door, stop, side-by-side, and stare at me while I'm doing the StairMaster. At first, I thought it was cute. Maybe they were impressed that a guy in his 30's (play along!) had such stamina.
But no! Those little bastards were watching... and waiting. For food! Every few minutes, they'd look at each other, and then right away back at me, as if to say, "Come on, already- make with the muffins!" (I think they might be Jewish, by the way, based on that look, and the guilt).
So I, being the animal lover that I am (and I swear, I am. I have friends-close personal friends, who are dogs, lions, cougars and even a few house cats), I feed the ducks. I found some pita bread, tore it up and then watched my duck buddies tear it up.
Fade out...
...Fade in...
It is 10 pm and WINDY here in LV. The ducks (MY ducks) have taken up residence in my swimming pool, and, judging by the peacful, easy feelin', I'd say their happy as heck.
I step out onto the patio for some desert air, and I swear this to be true, the ducks SEE me, start splashing, flapping and quacking, and then immediately get out of the pool, and head, full (duck) speed towards me. I mean they are looking at me like I owe them money!
And I start to freak. "I am," I said, to no one there (not even a chair), "I am out of duck-ish food. WTF?" So I run inside, root-around the kitchen (man, single guys have, like, nothing), but I did find some Crumpets in the freezer! (Crumpets? I know, I know. I bought em at Trader Joe's. Oh, wait- I buy EVERYTHING at Traders). So I toss two into the microwave and, after 20 sec, I pull em out, turn, and guess whose coming for crumpets?
One duck is on the patio, the other (had to be the dude duck) was heading inside my place. And I mean swaggering in- that kind of walk a guy has who knows he's hung and ready to pull em down. Or something. Who knows these things?
So I tell him (that's right- I talk to the animals; just imagine it. And no, I didn't make any Peeking jokes (besides, it's Beijing now anyway).
"Come on, mate. Let's all go outside, K?"
And he followed.
And we broke bread. (Reasearch assignment: look up the meaning of the word 'companion.' It is to share bread, man.)
It is now 10:30 and I can see them back in the pool. They're having a ball.
And I just know they're wondering what's for breakfast tomorrow... I know I am.
