Thursday, January 14, 2010


There is no doubt-and I mean not one single doubt- that JAY LENO is one of the best comedians of his generation. But-and for whatever reason-there is no recent evidence of that fact. No kidding.

JAY LENO has been coming on televison earlier- and dumber-coming off like a big dope, louder than a reverberant announcer doing a local car commercial. And what's all that yelling after delivering the punchline, backhanding his palm as if to say, "This is a joke." When you strike oil, stop drilling. And if you happen to hit a dry hole, then shut up. Shut the fuck up. I mean, have you ever seen a Carson monologue? You know your voice is amplified, right? Thanks to sound engineering, we CAN hear you.

Jay scares me. He does. I've actually found myself recoiling from the set more than a few times recently. And why in God's name set up every bit, every time? The other night, coming back from break, he is seated with a panel of recognizable comics. It was obviously 'Chelsea come lately time' yet Jay still felt the need to read some weary intro "explaining" that he and the panel were about to comment on current topics in the news. No kidding! Good thing you told us upfront, otherwise we'd never know what was up. "Welcome to McDonalds. If you name some food items you'd like to consume and then pay the amount requested, I will hand you those selfsame items in a sack...with a paper napkin."

Come on. You're being mean, and that's not like House of H20.

No kidding, but if I see a fine athlete not trying, I scream. Even if I took the under or bet the other way all together, I freak out. It isn't mean. It is dismay. It is disappointment.

Do you remember in 2004 when JOHN KERRY announced that he was running for president? Many of us thought he would be elected. "Wish that it were." Great guy JOHN KERRY, a legitimate war hero. Then, the Senator would go out campaigning, talking like a wanna-be patrician, blowing it for himself. That's why I'm dismayed at Kerry, and Leno. No kidding, I'm pissed. You see, JAY LENO is a very very funny man, and not just stand on the star and read the cards funny, either. He is likeable funny, a guy who knows, in his gut, what's working, and what isn't. And what a team he was surrounded by- the best and the brightest of the comedy world. No kidding, I am laughing right now thinking about a Daylight Savings routine one of those young Turks performed on an early Leno program. It was hip, subtle and authentically funny; an instant classic.

The Jay Leno Show is cancelled? No kidding! Leno lost without ever really being in the game.

The best interviewer on television is Ellen. JIMMY KIMMEL is by far the hippest and most relevant. And it turns out that Conan is the classiest of them all. CRAIG FERGUSON- a really great writer-published an interesting biography in which he confesses that, when doing his talk show, he dreams that he's JOHNNY CARSON. DAVID LETTERMAN is Johnny but Jay? He's like that senator with the long face. And he could have been so much more- no kidding.

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My profile is considered: "HIGH" 40-ish, 6 foot-ish, slim-ish, trim-ish straight-ish, late-ish, creative-ish... I am an unashamed HETRO* *Heterochromatic(one green eye, one hazel-ish).