Thursday, May 20, 2010
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT IN YOUR PANTS
I was on the phone with an old friend late last night. His girlfriend was out so he called me to bitch. About her purse.
"I mean, why do they carry around all that shit in their purses?" Evidently, she'd asked him to pull a spare key out of her handbag and, after fifteen minutes of rooting-around, he gave up. "She's got everything in there: four kinds of mints, three flavors of gum, everything imaginable, unimaginable, and all kinds of stuff that I didn't even wanna know about." He was really getting worked up. "She has five different lip things. I mean, how many lip glosses do you need?"
"I have two," I replied, but he wasn't looking for answers.
"She has credit cards from banks that went belly up. And who still carries a Blockbuster card? And a Sharper Image gift card? Really? Plus all kinds of candy. She could survive for a week. And don't get me started on all of those old receipts."
Started? I wanted to go the other way.
"It looked like the insides of a goat's stomach in there."
While he went on and on, I finished the newspaper, skimmed some magazines and then read the bible. When he finally calmed down, I said, "Hey, we need them to carry the stuff we might need. Thanks to them, our pockets aren't stuffed." Then I got curious, so I asked what was in his pocket. For fun, we decided to empty our pockets, shoot off a quick photograph and share. He had $600 in cash and a key. The shot above shows you what I'm working with.
Here's an idea: share with me what you have in your pants, guys.
Seriously. If you're reading this on Facebook, post a comment and maybe a photo. And girls, you can play. Let us know what you- or your guy-is packing, okay?
What's in our pockets says a lot about who we are so show me what you got, please. Now I'm not asking to see what's stuffed in your wallet. Your ID is your business. This isn't Arizona, ya know?
As you can see, I had, like, very little cash, so the Mastercard helps me out. Besides, if I'm hungry, the Hilton card allows me to get my buffet on. After dinner, Walgreen's anise-flavored Shark Mints are popular, with people I'm breathing on. The King of Diamonds is actually a business card designed to help promote a novel of that name. As for the pills, well, they've been in my pocket all week. (Paging Dr. House, Dr. Gregory House).
It's pretty clear that my pockets tell the story of one living a pretty simple life.
Okay, I showed you mine. Your turn.
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