You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You

So here's the thing: I miss you, us.

And we go back, you and me.

You've made millions- millions (and good for you!) Me? I cut my wrist and bled out a play that we sold to a guy who just 'had to have it,' for pennies. Pennies. (Bad for me). I did sell an option on a magic thing, with the majority of the money coming IF they make a film. (OK, I'm not starving. Actually? Eating out often.)

Now I spend nights with randoms, and, from time to time, you come up. And right when I begin to question if we were really friends, bam, I'll receive an email or hear your late night voice message left from some far away place. Are you selling- out overseas or hiding-out close to home? I haven't a clue.

OK, here's a quote: "I miss you."

And here's a question: "You?"

THERE'S MAGIC IN THE DESERT!

My Bros at Ringling are back in Las Vegas with a new show, a non-circusy magical production that I really dig.

Yesterday I spent a few hours with the Ringling elephants as they waited to run-through their new magic-themed show, called 'Zing, Zang, Zoom.'

I like spending time with animals. I love them very much and look forward to the quiet time I am allowed to spend with them. I am the luckiest guy in Las Vegas. Several of the Ringling elephants remember me very well. They do. I come backstage and spend time with the big guys every year when they pass through Las Vegas. The animal handlers always make a point to tell me how good I am with the beautiful creatures, and how relaxed they are around me.

I believe in a time when man peacefully existed with all of God's creatures and I do my best to do just that, whenever I have the chance. One of the handsome Indian elephants first met me several years ago in Branson, where he was performing with an up-and-coming young magician, a nice kid who, as a finale, vanished my big friend on stage. We've been friends ever since (the elephant, not the kid).

Now to all of my friends (and to the well-meaning but somewhat misguided wackos) with PETA, I will say that I really don't have time to debate the circus or other shows that display animals. I WILL say that Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey treat their animals very well, and thanks to them, a guy like me gets to see these beautiful creatures up close. Lions that I have tamed, tigers trained by me and elephants I've befriended remember me and always take the time to say hello.

I don't think a person can be around animals and NOT believe in God.

Ringling's decision to make their 'Zing, Zang, Zoom' show all about magic this season seems like a solid one. I am a man changed for the better for having spent time petting, rubbing, and rolling- around with wild animals.

If you have the chance, maybe visit Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey.

JUSTIN KREDIBLE; That's What You Are

I've been a fan, and kind of a supporter, of comic-magician JUSTIN KREDIBLE for the past several years. I've seen him on television, even getting up quite early recently to watch him 'live' on Las Vegas ABC-13. I traveled to LA to catch him in concert where we had, I think, a productive conversation about the state of magic and comedy.

So I mention this because, unless I was given a phoney phone number, erroneous email and fake Facebook, I think I'm being blown-off. Or, perhaps I'm becoming a stalker. You see, Justin, in spite of his clean cut good looks, fresh comedy style and super-polite demeanor, might be too busy. Or else, he's simply ignoring me.

I should be clear- Justin is a great guy. He's encouraged me to collaborate on a writing project and is a very funny and talented (and busy) performer whom Jason Mraz happens to love. But- to borrow a line from Roberta Flack (or The Black Eyed Peas):

"Where is the love?"

David Letterman saw fit to use some of my stuff in his recent monologue. (OK, actually, it was one joke, about Las Vegas and Donald Trump but it got a laugh). Towards the end of his career, FRANK SINATRA, had me write for him. In fact, Mr. S thought of me as a writer and, thanks to him, I made it through school. I've written special material for live shows, huge magic productions and even the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. So what's the deal, JK? I'm all a sudden not a good enough writer for you?


Last year, for a special event at Caesars Palace, I was asked to provide some special lyrics to Nat 'King' Cole's 'Unforgettable.' I don't really remember them, so here's 'JUSTINKREDIBLE,' to the tune of 'UNFORGETTABLE.'



JUSTIN KREDIBLE
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE
JUSTIN KREDIBLE
YOU'RE LIKE A STAR

WHY CAN'T YOU SIMPLY FIND THE TIME
TO TEXT ME, I'VE EVEN MADE MINE RHYME

WHY DO YOU STALL?
HOW COME YOU NO CALL?

JUSTIN KREDIBLE
FORGET THE SHTICK
AM I FORGETTABLE?
DON'T BE A PRICK

THAT'S WHY JUSTIN, IT IS HORRIBLE
EVEN THOUGH, YOU ARE ADORABLE
DUCKING ME IS QUITE DEPLORABLE, TOO

David Letterman paid me for a joke. Wow!

I just received a check in the mail, from the company that produces The Late Show with David Letterman. I had emailed three jokes and--- Dave used one. The weird part: I am more proud of this than the 12 grand I received a few weeks ago, more excited than just about any money I've ever earned, ever. I swear to goodness.


I am a high school graduate. College too. And law school. Did grad work, wrote a masters thesis, composed several pop songs and even co-wrote a play. I am finishing the second of three novels, but... Dave used a joke of mine!

I was sitting with my bro, Bela (for whom I've written loads of material), and Letterman goes into the joke, MY joke. And I got all stupid and shit, turning-up the volume and shushing the random who was hanging around after a late nite swim.

I have designed illusions, produced live shows, written all kinds of special material here in Las Vegas, but, did I mention- David Letterman used a joke of mine.

I'm just sayin...

APOLLO!

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Maybe YOU Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover, but I Can

Yesterday I was doing my thing on the StairMaster when a lovely lady called out to me. I removed the iPod buds in time to hear her say that she just returned from Mexico where she purchased a copy of my book and would I mind signing it. Sweaty, sans pen and just knowing that she had mistaken me for someone else, I thanked her and suggested we maybe do another time. I cranked-up the jazz and, as she left I noticed that she did, in fact, have a copy of my novel 'The King of Diamonds.'

A week ago, at The Coffee Bean on Maryland Parkway, just across from UNLV, an elderly (and LOUD) man approached, telling me that he had "all my books" and would I sign one. As my (screen) writing partner, Richard reached for a pen, I noticed that the senior autograph seeker held several books on poker. He noticed me noticing. "Oh, I buy EVERY book I can find on poker,'' he whispered, (like a cheerleader), "and I have ALL OF YOURS."

Oh boy!

You see, 'The King of Diamonds: The Magical Life of Darin Diamond,' is a novel, about a young magician. Very little poker in it. (NOTE: The next in the series, 'Condo,' is a Las Vegas -themed story with plenty of casino-especially poker- action).

Last Friday I received two emails sent to THE KING OF DIAMONDS- one asking about my "prices on jewlery." and the other looking for a Neil Diamond impersonator- I swear. I replied by giving each Wayne Newton's telephone number- I swear.

When people ask me to sign, it makes me feel weird. Mostly because I think that they think I'm somebody else.

MRAZ IS MUSIC

There's a YouTube video of Jason Mraz performing 'Bella Luna,' the beautiful ballad about a man and his moon from the 'Mr A-Z' CD. Maybe stop reading my words now and go to YouTube and watch it. It was shot by a fan up in Lake Tahoe. Open your ears, eyes and heart and you'll feel the guy melt into the song. It is a rare and beautiful thing.

You ever watch Rafael Nadal? He IS tennis.

It isn't possible to seperate Duke Ellington from Jazz. When you listen, they become one in the same.

And if you don't FEEL 'New York, New York' when you hear Sinatra sing that theme, then you're not paying attention.

I used to go see young Jason perform in San Diego. The G-friend, her brother and me. We'd drive back to Las Vegas, closer to one another because of our love of Mraz and his music. Last year a VERY VERY VERY cool guy saw to it that I had some tickets to see Jason Mraz at Palms. WW was blown away by the wonder wall. And? I've never felt so much love in one room in my whole life. I swear. It was beautiful.

Jason ended his recent tour here at the MGM, appearing with Dave Matthews Band. I caught part of their first show and heard that the next night, over at Pearl, Jason was joined in his midnight concert by James Morrison, ('Lucky' partner) Colbie Caillett and, adding the magic to the magical mystery tour, comic magician Justin Kredible. I am told that it was a lovely way to spend an evening.

A few years back, I wrote: "...if John Lennon had a daughter who married Paul McCartney's son and they had a kid who had the balls to tell the truth, it'd be Jason Mraz." Recently I listened to 'If It Kills Me,' and could hear the Beatles- especially Paul, in every line. And despite what Rolling Stone says, all of the Mraz songs are NOT up-beat. 'Love For A Child' is deeply personal, poignant, and a bit dark. But it is still about love.

I love the music of Jason Mraz because it IS love; I love Mraz because he lets us love him.

Mraz is Music.