Monday, February 28, 2011


Dear William Liar:
You are a name dropping lying asshole. I notice that most of the famous people you supposedly know like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin are dead.
How convenient. -Andy, AZ

Dear Andy:
You are correct, not about the asshole thing, just the dead part. I can suggest you contact, say, DEANA MARTIN, a great entertainer (and Dean's daughter) and maybe the Sinatra Family via Siriusly Sinatra. My best friend in show business, VINNIE FALCONE,, was Sinatra's pianist, conductor and musical director for over a decade. He would disagree on the 'lying asshole' thing.

Mr. Watters:
You write as if you are the official spokesman for Las Vegas.
Who in the hell died and made you king? -Ken

Dear Ken:

Greetings from Tianjin China:
My younger brother thinks that you are handsome man. My sister, too, likes you with your writing style. Do you ever come to China? -Dan

Dear Dan: I have never been to China but it sounds like we could have one fun family barbeque.

During a radio special heard in London in November, you were heard saying very insulting things about the United Kingdom. Not once but many times. I don't understand American humor and think you should be careful in future broadcasts. A big talker like you might need to have someone shut that mouth for you, William. -(Unsigned)

Dear Unsigned:
I am not well traveled but am well educated, strong willed and tend to express my opinions on popular culture (especially music) in harsh terms. 'Pontificating' is what my (now) ex-mate calls it.
As for my insulting you, unless you are Andrew Lloyd Webber (that talentless fuck) or are in some way related to him, or perhaps creepily ugly as we all can agree Sir Andrew is, well, I can't imagine how I was insulting to your stupid little island.
In fact, I suggested a boat be chartered, loaded with: Paul McCartney, Jamie Cullum, Elton John, Ricky Gervais, Sienna Miller, Kate Beckensale and NOT Rod Stewart. The rest of you can eat whatever the hell you eat over there (nice teeth, mate) and die, is what I said.

You just posted the best post ever, about
Thank you. Seeing his photos is like looking at the world through the eyes of God. -Rob, New Orleans

Dear Rob:
I love you.

Mr. Watters:
Your blogs about young magicians are amazing. I never heard of RJ CANTU or JUSTIN KREDIBLE before you kept writing about them. Where did you learn about magic? -Jan, Los Angeles

Dear Jan:
I had a brother who was crazy about magic. Then, when I was a teen, I was standing backstage at Caesars Palace next to FRANK SINATRA when a huge man filled the doorway: ORSEN WELLS The big man showed me how to do a "back palm," a move I just now got good at. JASON MRAZ put JUSTIN KREDIBLE on the map and now JUSTIN (KREDIBLE) WILLMAN is a major TV star. I kept hearing about this "cute as hell" guy knocking them dead on college campuses and, as PAUL CRIK would say, he's Killin' It!
As for R. J. CANTU, well, he was cool enough to hire me to help write some material for his act. Now R.J. is starring in films and a new MTV show 'Death Valley,' but I'll bet he'll always keep the magic alive.
My oldest magician friend- VALENTINO had me write and produce him years ago in Las Vegas. We were barely old enough to get into the casinos but were filling the showrooms with late night magic. Today, Val is billed as 'The Masked Magician,' having earned 10 million dollars-plus on TV specials doing what he loves: Magic.

Why are you always pushing singer SERGIO VELLATTI? -Tom, Reno, NV

Dear Tom:

1. Sergio has a great voice.
2. Sergio is the love child of Willie Watters and Tom Cruise...wait, I mean Penelope Cruz!
3. Sergio is a talented, handsome and polite young singer.
4. I like to encourage young talent.

*I also write/produce/promote for MONEY. I am available and always interested in new submissions.

Dear William:
You are not a good writer. You state your opinions like fact with no support. I am sure you were probably a rotten lawyer too. You come off like a stupid... cu_ t. -Unsigned

Dear Unsigned:
I launched a show review website, writing and posting over 200 show reviews, opinions based on my 20 years in show business. I've written, booked and produced shows, managed talent, composed songs and even run a spotlight and dusted a piano or two along the way. While some of the show reviews were written without a name, I owned the website and was also the editor. My point is it is hard to take an unsigned note seriously. You, for example, strike me as a pussy. I may be wrong. If you'd share your name, I'd be happy to try to take you more seriously. I'm helpful that way. In fact, if you provide me an address, I might even give you some pointers in the bedroom. I could bang your wife or help find the leak in your inflatable date, mate.

About Me

My photo
My profile is considered: "HIGH" 40-ish, 6 foot-ish, slim-ish, trim-ish straight-ish, late-ish, creative-ish... I am an unashamed HETRO* *Heterochromatic(one green eye, one hazel-ish).