The airport pat-downs have gotten so out of control that now there's a boycott being organized online. Really, people are feeling violated by all of the feeling going on. And let's face it, we're not feeling any safer.
Here's an idea:
Hookers.
No, really, hookers. I say that we hire prostitutes to do the pat-downs. Prostitutes, or as they're called in some states, "massage therapists," know how to rub you in just the right way. They do. I say we offer a special Prostitute Pat-Down Line in all of America's major airports (I think we already have one in Reno. Not sure). Travelers will happily pay for the service, so that's, like, good, right?
Everybody wins.
A happy ending, or safe landing, or whatever you wanna call it, will be had by all.
I think they'll go for this and if they do, I'm working on a list of in-flight gambling bets, like, "Guess which flight attendent isn't gay" and "Pick the baby to vomit first," you know, family friendly games of chance. The proceeds, minus my 20% fee, could help this great country of ours.
God bless you and God Bless America.
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